Lesson 3: What they never could have prepared us for
Now this may not relate to all of us… but I believe it can be understood and felt (to a degree) by all. Life is always throwing things at us, thinking that we will be able to handle it and just deal with the aftermath. But we all know, too well if I may add, that’s not always the case. Going through something traumatic is not only a painful experience but it’s hard to bounce back into normality. I’m going to tell you a story now and I don’t want you to feel bad for me because that is not my point at all. I want you to learn something from me, I want you to learn how I have learned from my experiences and how I am truly a stronger and more confident person today because of it. I love this life that I live, through all of the good the bad and the truly ugly.
My life hasn’t always been easy, but when I was little I sure didn’t think my life would take a turn the way it has today. I grew up in an extremely close-knit and loving family, we did everything together. My big brothers and I were so close, whether it was being drug to their baseball games or eating ice cream sundaes on the couch before bed on a Sunday night. I never thought that the “fantastic five” would ever be split apart. But once Jr. High hit things got a little different, my brothers didn’t want to hang out with me as much and I was always asking mom “where’s dad”. Yikes.. thinking about that right now makes me want to cry because I can’t describe to you how many times I sobbed myself to sleep when I wanted dad to tuck me in. He was never home and when he was he was on his phone texting God knows who, oh wait I do. Her. His mistress the one he had been keeping from the rest of us.
On our last family vacation I rode separately with dad and I will never forget that cold and cloudy December day. We were about to take off the runway when I looked over at dad and he had this huge grin on his face. I had no clue why he was smiling so much until I caught a glimpse of his phone screen. It was from her. And it read three little words. Three words that I thought my dad would only share with me and my family. My heart was shattered into at least one million pieces. I was so devastated I lost my breath and couldn’t stand to look at him. At that moment in time I didn’t think I would ever be able to look him in the eye again. This is when the rough years started, when everything got really dark for a while. Trying to forgive my dad for what he has done to my family has been one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. Throughout the next years I refused to speak to my dad, and every time I went out in public I seemed to catch a glance of one big happy family or a dad and his daughter holding hands at the grocery store, or wherever. I was just so sad and I couldn’t get out of this funk. I hated talking to anyone, really, about how I truly felt so I always kept my physical appearance happy. Let me tell you keeping all of that in and not speaking to my father was mentally the hardest experience I’ve ever gone through. Most of the time I could literally feel my heart ache.
Looking back now it was childish of me to try and keep my dad out of my life. The only reason I say this is because I am more mature and I now have understood to accept what my father put me through all those years ago. I can sit here and tell you that taking a deep breath and allowing my heart to heal, as much as it possibly can, has brightened my everyday life. I have learned to love with a bigger heart. I have learned that what feels like the nearly impossible will one day be overcome. And finally I have learned that people make mistakes and it IS impossible to fix past. All in all I want everyone here to understand I know people go through much worse everyday and I know that my issues are small, but I have overcome them. Whatever you are dealing with, you can and will overcome it.