Satire: PVHS Band students strike graduation performance


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Claire Annette, seated on school grounds contemplating what steps to take against PVHS Administration.

Odin McDonald, Photo Manager

Health and safety concerns have struck PVHS as its band students suffer the consequences of senior classes growing at an exponential rate.

Each year, Pleasant Valley band students are invited to play multiple pieces at the graduation ceremony, an attractive offer as it clears the need for a band final exam. However, it is the playing of the classic Pomp and Circumstance piece-played as graduates walk into the ceremony-that has caused conflict.

The larger senior classes grow, the longer Pomp and Circumstance must be played, something that is inflicting serious trauma and injury to the performers. The graduation ceremony of 2019 will feature an exhausting nine minutes and forty two seconds of entrance music.

Claire Annette, sophomore and tuba player at PVHS, expressed her feelings on the upcoming event. “It sucks,” she said.

Students are not the only ones raising questions. Dr. Tracey Liphert of Genesis Research in Kallamule, IA has discovered what it is the students are experiencing. “The incredibly mundane song is sending noradrenaline endorphins through the nervous system, tearing cavities into the brain matter of the students,” she explained.

In an effort to reduce the inflammation of lip follicles post-ceremony, Liphert suggests students partake in the 2015 internet trend, the Kylie Jenner lip challenge, increasing blood flow to the tissue.

Under the leadership of junior Fletch Bangama and band director Chris Draum, advocacy for a pre-recorded loop of the song has been put into motion. Bangama, Draum, and the rest of Pleasant Valley’s band have created the movement Long Notes, Long Hurt, fighting sadism in school music programs.

Students have started to rally support from staff members at the school, even reaching out to School Overwatch Administrator, Reginald Watchinyu. When informed via mass-staff email of the situation at hand, Watchinyu replied with “Lmao.”

Until significant change has been put into action, Pleasant Valley’s band is on strike, refusing to play at graduation. However, in an effort to be considerate and respectful to the graduating class and their families, students have agreed to play this year, if Watchingyu drinks the fluids from collected in the trombone section spit valves.