The Slangwhanger presents: The gentleman’s guide to prom


StockSnap via pixabay

The iconic bowtie, often cheaters, or pre-tied, seen at high school proms.

Odin McDonald, Photo Manager

Congratulations, you’ve got yourself a date for prom. You have your tuxedo and, hopefully, your dinner reservations are locked in. Once the big night comes, you need to be on your A-game to become the perfect gentlemen.

First things first; you have to smell good. It is in your best interest to shower up and use a generous amount of antiperspirant—you’re going to get sweaty. Some of you may have a go to cologne you wish to use. That’s great. Looking like James Bond is cool, but smelling like James Bond? Even better. Just don’t go overboard. There are few who are particularly fond of the smell of a middle schooler who realized their weekly allowance can buy them a $3.29 can of AXE body spray. One squirt on each side of your neck will do. Body sprays, however, can be tricky. Although the scent is diluted, it comes out much faster and covers a lot more area. Less is more.

Once you and your date arrive to dinner, socialize with them. There are few things more awkward than listening to each other chew up a slab of beef. Make sure to smile and stay engaged. Luckily, most of you are likely planning to dine in a group. Your other friends should be able to ease tension and allow you to be in a group discussion, but make sure you give your date more than just small talk at the dinner table.

At the dance, it is understandable to want to take in your surroundings before jumping into the mosh pit that most school dance floors result in. Usually it is a good idea to take your professional photo before you start dancing, both to avoid the line and to avoid a sweaty photo.

Speaking of dancing, DANCE. You can grind in school anyday you like in shop class, so no need to do it at prom. Even if your date isn’t your romantic interest, dancing is a great time and makes the (low-end of average) music the DJ plays a little bit better. Try a little two-step, or even one of the Peanuts’ character dances from those Charlie Brown specials.

Eventually, the time will come when a slow song will start to play, and half the student body will disappear off the dance floor. Don’t worry. Slow dancing is not an initiation for a relationship. If you are in a relationship with your date, or at least interested, you should be out there anyway. But if not, you tell me what’s weirder: slow dancing with the person you attended the dance with, or sitting and staring at them like a dog who is watching their owner at the dinner table?

Prom is a great time to catch up with friends and see all your classmates dressed to the nines. Walking around to mingle? Great! Ditching your date to hang with the boys? Not so much. Don’t be a Richard by making your date wait for you to come back as you talk to the bros about how many beers you’re going to shotgun after the dance. She won’t be impressed.

(On that note, the Spartan Shield is not your parent, but we do encourage all students to be smart and safe in all their choices. Get home. If you aren’t in the right condition to drive, call someone.)

You’re almost there. Becoming the perfect gentlemen is within reach now…just remember some basic, common sense things. Holding doors can go a long way and is usually noticed and appreciated. Drive responsibly. Nobody in your car is going to think you’re as cool as Vin Diesel if you’re going 60 mph down Devil’s Glen. Bring some extra cash just in case your group decides to go out for dessert, or in case your previous payment arrangements with your date don’t pan out as planned. Nobody wants to be yelled at by their mother because they couldn’t afford the *cough* overly expensive *cough* professional photos.

On the subject of photos, your final tip is to take as many as your mother requests. It is annoying and doesn’t make sense how she thinks of 40+ poses for you and your date to recreate, but do it anyway. Let’s face it. Even if you paid for dinner and tickets with your own money, your parents shelled out the $200+ for a tuxedo rental. You owe them.

Lastly, have fun, Spartans! This year’s memories, both at prom and R.A.P., are going to be ones to remember. Be respectful of public areas and of your date, tip your servers well, and most importantly, bust a move at what is (for so many of us) your very last high school prom.